You Speekee Engrish?

Yes, friends and family, spring has finally sprung in the Beehive State. The sun is shining, the birds are singing and it is GLORIOUS. I know all this not because I saw the weather report on my MSN.com home page, or because I enjoyed the warmth on my way to the gym. No. I actually WENT OUTSIDE and enjoyed the spring weather. Thank you, James - er - I mean Mr. Maughan, for inviting me to accompany you and 30 of your best French 2 students to a wonderful lunch at La Caille. The food was a distant second to the beauty of the grounds. I saw peacocks/hens, roosters, rabbits. I didn't wear a jacket. I felt the warm sun on my bare arms. And it sure beat sitting in my windowless office.

Being outside put me in such a good mood, in an intoxicating mood. That's the only way I could've done what I did next. I must've been drunk. I wanted to do something fun for Noah, do something together as a family, something that we couldn't do during the winter. Well, what could be better than going swimming? Noah loves being in the water. James loves being in the water. It's warm and swimming is a warm weather activity.

Now, for all you readers (all two of you) who know me (and you should), you should know that I HATE WATER. Hate it. Hot tubs were doable, until I read an article about how DIRTY they are. Ick. Now I stick to showers and the occasional bath. Those I can handle. Pools? No, thank you. Seriously. Don't mention "pool" or "lake" or "boating" unless you want to watch me turn pale and start to hyperventilate. It's not pretty.

Anyhoo... I called James and asked him if he wanted to go to the Rec Center to play in the pool. I think he must've been confused because his wife would never, NEVER call him and ask if he wants to go to the pool. EVER. After a brief pause he answered with a hesitant, "sure." He couldn't believe his ears. And he wasn't about to say no.

After buying Noah a cute swimming outfit (trunks and a rash guard), we drove to the Rec Center to hit the pool. And it was FUN. Well, mostly fun. More on that in a separate post.

James, Noah, Dan-Dan, Les and I were playing in the kiddie pool when James gave up on us and hit the indoor slide. A monsterous, twisting, turning slide. With rushing water. And a lifeguard who stands vigilantly at the other end of the pool. First James goes down. Then Dan-Dan. Then Les. They all go down while I watch. And I'm not going to lie. It looked fun. Well, more fun than standing in a foot of water. So, I decide to try it. I asked Dan and Les to come with me (because I want my cousins to witness the monster slide eating me alive so that it will teach them that water is not fun, that it is dangerous and something that should be feared. I don't want to be the only one in the family with this irrational fear of water!). As we are heading up the stairs to get to the top of the slide, a lifeguard comes rushing up behind me and yells to the guard on duty at the top of slide, "HEY, DO YOU SPEAK SPANISH?" The guard at the top of the tower yells back, "NO! JUST BECAUSE I'M MEXICAN DOESN'T MEAN I SPEAK SPANISH!" Okay, fair enough. I'm Filipina and can't speak Tagalog (swear words and threatening to spank Noah doesn't count).

Finally, we make it to the top. I'm standing there, watching the water rush onto the slide, down the slide, along the various curves and twists of the slide and into the pool at the bottom. What have I gotten myself into? Can I do this? Do I WANT to do this? I can't chicken out now and do the walk of shame down the stairs - that would just be embarassing. Five year olds go down this slide - I should be able to!!! To allay my fears and concerns, I start asking the guard basic questions about the slide and the pool. She didn't hear me. I know that she HEARD words coming out of my mouth, but she didn't HEAR the questions I was asking. How do I know this? Because of her answer: "WOW!!! Do you speak Spanish because one of the lifeguards was just asking me if I speak Spanish, which I don't because I'm only HALF Mexican. Someone got hurt and she only speaks Spanish and they need someone to translate, but I can't because I don't speak Spanish. People look at me and just assume that I speak Spanish beause I'm brown, but I don't. Some people also assume that I am Asian because I'm half white. Do you speak Spanish because your English is perfect and I'm really surprised." Uhhh... WHAT?